Rules Of Life: Live Without Belonging, Love Without Depending And Speak Without Offending

It is important that our rules of life start from ethics and respect for those around us. Don’t want other people what you don’t want for yourself.

The authentic rules of life are not marked by a legal code. And even less the requests of families or the new gurus of today who aim to convince us of the best way to be happy.

The rule of life is marked by oneself. When, little by little, we realize where the limits are, the sense of respect, the coexistence. And this magic that allows us to enjoy each other in harmony.

Because there are things that cannot be learned in books. We discover them when we are wrong, we observe and we deduce, through these interactions, in which we touch happiness but we also know pain.

Mario Benedetti said in one of his poems that we can lament anything, that we can suffer because roses have thorns and because today is the storm.

If we focus on “wanting to suffer”, we will suffer. But, sometimes it is enough to have a humble heart and thank the life or the roses that have thorns because in the end, it is one element that makes them beautiful.

Thus, we must understand that the balance of our daily life is found in our attitude. And in these rules of life that we impose ourselves to allow ourselves to be a little happier.

Here we suggest you reflect on these three aspects which, without a doubt, will help you to progress.

1. Rules of life: live without belonging

The first of these laws is to learn to live far from appearances. If we think about it, our world is already feeding too much on falsity, on those images where marketing guides a lot of our daily actions.

• The world of advertising, fashion and television feeds on these false appearances that we often try to imitate or attain.
• Likewise, in our closest surroundings, we do not often see authenticity.

This humble proximity in which we do not seek and we do not pretend anything. We only express ourselves as we are, we show our values ​​backwards when we should highlight them.

• Low self-esteem and the fear of not being accepted if we show ourselves as we really are.
• The need to be validated by others. Appearances and falsehoods make us believe that we will be accepted by society if we do this.
• Falsehood also hides a hidden identity to gain any interest (if I am kind, I will earn your trust to get something from you).

2. Rules of life: love without letting go

Another dimension that most people end up discovering in their lifetime: love wins nothing if we build it on addiction.

Few dimensions need so much expressiveness, freedom, authenticity and character as love.

• Because the relationship which is subject to the dependence of the other, to the point of diluting us and transforming us into the shadow of the loved one, gradually brings us closer to frustration.
• Affective dependence generates infidelity, and sooner or later depression appears.
• Few of the laws of life are as wise as those which allow us to love ourselves first.
• However, our society, and even our family, reminds us that in love everything is worth and that if you love someone, you will love them until your last breath.
• While it is obvious that there are many types of love, what we can never do is self-denial. Even if it is our child or our spouse.

First of all, because “giving up” on ourselves means not giving our best to those we love. Someone who has low self-esteem is not at 100% of their vital, psychic or emotional energy.

We are the creators of love, we are not subject to love. Let us be the architects of our healthy relationships, not dependent ones.

3. Speak without offending

Eric Berne is the father of “transactional analysis”.

This psychological approach teaches us that we also build our identity from self-esteem. In particular according to the emotional and social transactions or exchanges that we receive from the people who educate us. Or even those with whom we interact every day.

• When we “load” our words with hidden offense, with irony or contempt, we offer to others what Eric Berne calls negative emotional caresses .
• This type of caress exercised through language can hurt more than a blow, than a physical assault. It is an alteration in our person that many people exercise without realizing it.
• There are people who, instead of speaking, shout. Or those who are used to despising or ridiculing, those who make jokes thinking they are nice to other people when they hurt.

Thus, it is necessary to take care of his language, his tone. And to choose the right words so that these emotional caresses are always positive.

In this way, we invest in coexistence, in respect.