Emotional Codependency, What Is It?

A co-dependent person will do everything possible to keep their partner dependent on him. This is why his care and concerns are not altruistic, but toxic and manipulative.

An emotional codependent relationship is not a balanced relationship but a toxic one. That is why we need to be aware of the symptoms and correct them as quickly as possible. In this article, we explain what emotional codependency is, what its symptoms are, and how to treat them.

Emotional codependency

Although these two terms are closely related, emotional addiction is not the same as codependency. In fact, in the first case, we find an individual whose dysfunctional personality makes him dependent on the other for his happiness.

This type of person is able to continue relationships even if they are very toxic and destructive, since they are totally dependent on the other. Thus, she is not independent and has low self-esteem. She sees the other person as essential to her life, a necessary condition, regardless of the type of relationship.

On the other hand, emotional codependence is different. In these cases we find people who are addicted to the addiction of the other person. In other words, it is an addiction to dependence on the other.

Although this type of relationship is found in any relational environment (parents and children, friendships, etc.), it is quite common within the couple.

In any case, in relationships where there is dependency and codependence, we are talking about two individuals who depend on each other, albeit in a different way. The dependent person does not know how to live without his partner, while the codependent is dependent on this need that the dependent person has of him.

Thus, it may cause him to become overly concerned with the other, but not in a selfless sense, rather in a manipulative sense. Therefore, excessive control, jealousy and manipulation can lead to an unbalanced and toxic relationship which can lead to real suffering for both.

Symptoms of emotional codependency

Low self-esteem

A co-dependent person has low self-esteem, just like the dependent person. However, in her case, she is trying to fill her void or imbalance by feeling useful for the other person who needs her.

Emotional codependency and control over the spouse

Since their own stability is based on the continued need for the other person, the co-dependent personality tends to go out of their way to maintain that dependency.

So it’s okay for them to constantly watch the other person, manipulate them and even undermine their self-esteem to make sure that they will continue to need and depend on them.

The need for approval

As the codependent spends a lot of time and effort being of service to the other, when he is not succeeding or not being rewarded for it, he can become really frustrated.

The fear that the other person will stop being dependent increases if they are not thanked for what they are doing. In other words, doubt and insecurity appear. The codependent therefore needs to hear from his partner how good he is and how much he does for him, how much he is necessary for his life.

Moreover, if the approval does not exist, it can even enter into a dynamic of reproach. And this in order to make the dependent person understand that it is essential.

Emotional codependence: feeling responsible for the feelings of the other

The co-dependent person also suffers. In this sense, although no one is responsible for another person’s feelings, the codependent may feel that he is really responsible for how his partner is feeling.

As a result, he can get the better of the other person’s feelings, who may feel really frustrated at not being able to make him feel good and happy. His goal is to become essential to the well-being of his partner.

The obsession with the other

Since dependence on the other person is what maintains their self-esteem and fills their void, the co-addict will constantly seek ways to maintain that dependence and need. Therefore, he will always think about how to be necessary and useful, and may become obsessed.

Indeed, he often forgets his own person and his needs, getting lost in the way of making the other person always dependent.

How can emotional codependency be remedied?

A toxic relationship between a dependent person and a co-dependent person must be corrected as quickly as possible. In this sense, both must relearn and reorient their way of behaving and behaving. In addition, it takes a great deal of effort to increase assertiveness and self-esteem, and to leave fears and insecurities behind.

This can be done either through individual therapy or couples therapy:

• First of all, we have to recognize that a problem exists. If one is not aware of it, it is impossible to overcome it
• The codependent must overcome his fear of being alone, of his own independence, of having no one to depend on him. In this sense, he must give up getting involved and worry about trying to change, control or satisfy the other.
• In addition, the co-dependent person must relearn how to help. She must understand that help and care comes from altruism and not from “manipulation” to meet personal needs. It’s about something liberating, not pretending the other person is more dependent
• Usually, the co-dependent personality learns this type of behavior and attitude from childhood. It must therefore begin a process of analyzing, realizing and correcting what has been wrongly learned during a lifetime.
• On the other hand, both partners must learn to set limits, necessary for a healthy relationship.

In conclusion

The co-dependent person must understand that a relationship is based on a bond established from freedom and personal choice. Keeping the other “attached” by making them feel like they are a prerequisite for their happiness will only cause problems. It is also not a healthy way to increase our own self-esteem.