“Subtle” Abuse, Abuse That You Must Not Allow In Your Life

Subtle abuse causes suffering, feelings of insecurity, and low self-esteem, all of which are reasons not to tolerate it.

If something hurts you, react, even if the other person is psychologically abusing you.

If they don’t understand your reaction, that person doesn’t have enough empathy and emotional intelligence to build healthy relationships.

When we talk about mistreatment, we most often imagine physical or psychological violence exerted by a mistreating person on a victim.

However, there is a subtle form of abuse. It is sometimes difficult to notice it, but it gradually destroys us from the inside.

These are masked attacks to which we do not react because the aggression is not direct, or because the person is not willingly seeking to harm us.

However, their consistency and regularity gradually destroy our self-esteem and our self-confidence.

In addition, know that this subtle abuse does not occur only within the couple. Our family members can also exercise it on us without our realizing it.

In this article, we’ll teach you how to recognize this abuse and how to defend yourself accordingly.

How does subtle abuse work?

To understand the forms of subtle abuse, we’ll give you some examples. You will recognize them very easily.

Imagine a little girl who has been told from a very early age that she is extremely clumsy.

Whenever something slips out of his hands, his parents notice it. When she breaks an object unintentionally, her parents justify this act by the awkward nature of their child.

As she grows up, they apply this constructed image of their daughter’s supposed awkwardness to the exams she fails, her social difficulties, etc.

His parents love him, there is no doubt about it. They don’t physically abuse him. However, throughout her life they made her believe that she was an incompetent and clumsy person.

It was a subtle abuse that caused her great insecurity and very low self-esteem.

Let’s take another example. Say you are in a relationship with someone who uses irony very frequently.

Your partner frequently makes absurd comments to make others laugh. He doesn’t realize that it can hurt you.

He never takes things seriously and is ironic about everything you do  : the things you engage in, the way you view life, the way you express yourself, etc.

These are small remarks that certainly do not have a bad intention. They do harm you, however, and turn out to be weapons of subtle abuse.

You should know that this type of behavior is very common these days, and it is very difficult to cope with it.

These persistent little things end up hurting us, leaving us helpless. It is therefore very important to learn to recognize them.

How to defend oneself in the face of this mistreatment?

• You should be aware that words can hurt as much as physical violence, and that the wounds they cause are as painful as those caused by beating.
• It doesn’t matter if the negative comment wasn’t meant to hurt, or if the irony wasn’t intentionally mean.
  Don’t allow this kind of behavior, say aloud how you feel about those words that hurt you, and don’t let it happen again.

• Put limits in your life, barriers that others are not allowed to cross. Don’t allow irony if it bothers you. If someone says wrong things about you, stand up for yourself.
  If people enjoy commenting on everything you do, just walk away from them.
  Toxic people cause suffering, insecurity and unhappiness, which is why it is not worth the effort to try and live with them.

• The main problem with subtle abuse is that other people don’t see the harm that can be caused by their words or actions, and they don’t want to acknowledge it.
  It is a joke for them, whereas it is an offense for you.
  If you don’t react, and let the irony set in, the level of abuse will rise day by day and get out of hand.

• Subtle abuse can be practiced by our fathers, mothers, brothers, partners, even our co-workers, in other words people who say they love and respect us, but you must not fall into their trap.
  It is vital that you tirelessly stand up for your integrity and self-esteem. Know the difference between people who respect you and those who hurt you.
  Some people think that everyday trust gives them the right to endlessly joke about you, to be ironic about anything that touches you, or even to disrespect you.
  Don’t allow it and highlight anything that hurts you, to prevent others from hurting you.
  If these people don’t understand your reaction, don’t worry.
  Those who don’t understand that they’ve hurt you lack empathy, and don’t have enough emotional intelligence to build healthy relationships.