Mourning During Quarantine

As the days go by, it is more and more possible that people close to us will die. In this article, we tell you how to best handle grief while in confinement.

Mourning during quarantine is a reality in more and more homes. Globally, more than 200,000 deaths from the coronavirus have already occurred, and everything suggests that the numbers will continue to rise in the months to come until truly effective treatments or a vaccine are available.

This has resulted in a very significant increase in the number of deaths in many countries, especially in Europe and North America. To these losses are added those due to other inevitable deaths – due to age, a previous pathology or other causes – as well as those which could not be properly taken care of due to saturation. intensive care units in some areas.

That is why we are facing a high number of deaths in which people cannot say goodbye to their loved ones in the usual way.

What can you expect during quarantine mourning?

The death of a loved one is one of the situations in life where we most need human contact. It is a moment of fragility in which we feel our soul breaking, and sharing it with the rest of our loved ones alleviates our pain.

In the current situation, this action is not possible, so the working out of mourning in quarantine may be affected in some ways:

• Our stress levels can increase dramatically, as isolation makes it more difficult to deal with this new situation. Stress can alter our heart rate, cause us to have insomnia, nightmares, headaches, or have poorer digestion, among other symptoms.
• Our emotions can be even more intense, due to the very stress of confinement
• We may have difficulty initiating and elaborating mourning because we do not organize a wake or burial in the traditional way.
• Accepting reality is complicated : if we did not live with the deceased and did not notice his physical absence, at times it may seem to us that the person is not dead

What are the most common emotions during grief?

Many thoughts, feelings and emotions arise when we are faced with the death of a loved one: children tend to be more irritable and have more fears, while adolescents and adults tend to be sadder and more. discouraged.

However, it’s important to remember that each person deals with grief in their own way, and there are many ways to deal with it.

No matter how we deal with grief, emotions will be at the center of the early stages. Here are some of the most common that we can come across

Sadness

Sadness is the emotion most associated with grief. It can manifest in the form of tears, but also a lack of energy, neglect in self-care, pessimistic thoughts or a low interest in the environment, among others.

During grief, it is important that we find a space and a time to feel the sadness ; that way, we won’t repress it and integrate it better.

However, it is also important that we do activities that keep us away from this problem for the rest of the day. Otherwise, it is easy for the emotion to turn into a depressed state and become more difficult to deal with.

Grief and emotions: fear

Fear is easily exacerbated when grieving. We may be afraid that a loved one will die too, that we cannot cope with the situation, that we will get sick if the person has died of an illness, that we will drive if it was an accident, that we will die and that so many other “fantasies” can appear at this time.

We have to learn to live with our fears in order to make them smaller, because if we avoid them, they get bigger. Strategies such as cognitive restructuring or systematic desensitization can effectively help us deal with them.

Anger

When we don’t accept a situation or call it unfair, anger often arises. It can be very disabling if we don’t know how to deal with it properly. This is why learning breathing and relaxation techniques or self-control techniques can be very helpful.

Grief and emotions: guilt

Guilt can flood our thoughts very deeply if we think we haven’t done everything right at the time. To overcome it, nothing like learning to forgive yourself and all the people who can be considered to have behaved badly in a given situation.

Strategies for coping with grief during quarantine

The fundamental difference from the other bereavements that we have done so far is that, in the current situation, most people cannot say goodbye to the deceased. Some of the admitted patients may share their final words by phone or video conference, but this is not always possible.

In addition, during the state of alert, vigils are prohibited and only three people can attend the funeral. It is therefore important that we keep certain strategies in mind.

Develop a farewell ritual

Although we cannot physically say goodbye to the deceased, we can prepare some kind of farewell : a letter, a drawing if the children are small, collecting the most meaningful photos or writing a poem to the deceased. may be some ideas.

Avoid social isolation

Even if there are no hugs, it is important to share our feelings with those who are closest to us. Technology allows us to make calls, video calls and send messages to each other, both written and voice.

Let’s use these tools to ask ourselves if there is anything in particular we need, and to communicate our feelings to others. The pain will be just as deep, but shared it is easier to bear.

Let the feelings express themselves

It is clear that negative emotions during grief intensify. We must therefore not avoid them, but let them flow. The more we avoid them, the more we prolong the suffering.

Dealing with negative thoughts

What we say to ourselves when we are grieving is the key to our emotional well-being. It is therefore important to know if our thoughts are too negative.

Cry

Crying releases stress hormones and has a sedative effect. When faced with the loss of a loved one, sadness is inevitable. If it comes with tears, it will help us deal with the emotion better.

To write

Writing is a highly therapeutic strategy in a multitude of psychological disorders. Since we cannot be with others the way we would like during midlife grief, writing will help us not feel so alone, better connect with our emotions, and express what we are struggling with. to put into words.

Physical exercise

Exercising reduces our stress, anger, and anxiety levels and is highly recommended when we are sad. It is therefore important that we activate a minimum of ourselves to feel better, either by moving around the house if strict confinement continues, or by going outside when possible.

Final recommendations for mourning in quarantine

Grieving is a process in which we go through very deep pain. On this path, we encounter many difficulties. Currently, one of them is to live it in confinement, without being able to share our pain as we are used to.

Despite the enormous difficulty that this implies, it is important to remember that this situation is temporary. Later we can have a more elaborate farewell party with the rest of our family and friends.

Until that moment arrives, we must continue with the rest of the steps involved in developing grieving. To do this, it is essential that we are in touch with our emotions in a deep way and that we try not to avoid them.

Also, if we share them with the rest of our family, we will feel closer to them, we will strengthen our bonds, and this connection will help us deal with pain better.